When Internet Marketing Becomes Dangerous
Over the course of my Internet marketing journey the last decade, I have watched as many of my friends have had their families broken apart as a result of their online businesses.
It might be even happening to your own family right now without you even noticing. Let me explain so you never allow this to happen to you.
Contrary to what you read with many sales letters, making money online is not easy.
In fact. many people who have finally achieved success online spent years struggling before they found an online strategy that worked.
But if you are currently spending countless hours every day trying to make money online, there can be an emotional and physical price to pay.
In the last three years, I have had three Internet marketing friends have their families torn apart because they didn’t see the tell-tale signs that their work on their Internet businesses were the reason.
Trying to make money online can be fun and challenging at the same time. But when it becomes an obsession, then you need to take two steps back to see how it is affecting the people around you.
I recently had a candid conversation with a friend who told me that one day his wife walked into his home office and told him she was unhappy with their lifestyle.
She wasn’t happy that he was at home making money online and these events seemed to have occurred when his online income started dropping.
By the time he realized that his time on the computer was pushing her away, it was to late. She had already made up her mind and wanted a divorce. Unfortunately, now he is left with mixed emotions and sadness that he won’t be with his children every single day. I feel for him because he taught that he was doing what thought he needed to do to provide for his family.
The scary thing is that he didn’t even have a clue that she was unhappy and I think that this was due to a lack of communication.
I have also had friends who either quit or lost their jobs in the past tell me that this was a good thing because it would give them more time to work on their online businesses. It almost always goes something like, “I have three months to make this online thing work because the money will run dry and my family will suffer.” Wow, what a brilliant and exciting strategy.
They tell me to read the sales letters of all the major gurus who first hit rock-bottom (i.e. lying in a ditch with a whiskey bottle in their hand before that had their ah-ha moment and made millions online). Almost 95% of the time, this is not true and the copywriter is just trying to weave an inspirational story to get prospects to buy the product or service.
My advice to my friends who have very little money is always “Get A JOB!” You will need the capital to funnel into your online business and stressing yourself out with dwindling savings will have a major impact on your marriage – guaranteed.
I remember spending some time at my father-in-law’s house and he had a plaque up on the wall that read “10 Rules To Success In Life.”
The very first rule stated, “Be careful who you marry because they will dictate 90% of your happiness and success.”
I look back at my last 12 years of marriage and believe that this is very true. If I hadn’t married my wife who is my very foundation and support for everything I do, I don’t know where I would be today.
She has supported me from day one and we are successful today, but not because of what I have done, but rather what we have done as a team.
There were times where she would take the kids out and many nights she watched a movie alone just to let me work. In fact, I used to spend 12-14 hours on the computer a day and she stood by me.
There were days that she did have her doubts about whether I would achieve success and whether all the hours on the computer were worth it, but she stuck through it with me. But I also paid a price with my health as sitting on computer all day doesn’t do much for the body.
I tell many people today that you will struggle to make money online if you don’t have the “buy-in” of your spouse or immediate family.
Do you want to listen to constant negativity from people who don’t believe in your vision? Do you want to work in an atmosphere where people are waiting for you to fail so that they can say “I told you so…”.
Of course not and it becomes especially hurtful when it is your spouse who is saying these things.
But on the other hand, as a spouse of an Internet marketer, you don’t want to spend your life watching your spouse on the computer 10 hours a day.
You need to think about how your Internet marketing ambitions affect that people around you. At the end of the day, I believe that it is all about balance and communication.
Although my wife might not be actively involved in my business, I still make it a habit to tell her everyday what I am working on and what is going on in the Internet marketing scene.
Sometimes she thinks what I tell her is more interesting than a Hollywood flick… (i.e. “Honey, you won’t believe whose product launch just bombed…”).
I have now made it a habit to cut down my time on the computer and spend more time with my family. My children were even sending me subtle hints to get off the computer, which told me that I needed to pull back.
Sure my income has slightly dropped, but I don’t want to end up in the future having regrets.
I once went through one of Eben Pagan’s business trainings and he even said that the most important things that you can work on in life are making money, health and relationships.
Relationships are really the key to happiness and success. That is the relationships you have with business partners, customers, friends and most importantly, with your family.
Live for today because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
Comments?
Best wishes,
Gauher Chaudhry
P.S. – Please retweet if you think this post was important.
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March 4, 2011
4:20 am #comment-1
Amazing how many people allow greed to destroy they’re lives,both sexes,they are making enough to have a comfortable life but ,and there is alway’s a ‘but’ they want more and more regardless, the people they are hurting or leaving behind.And we human’s never learn from our mistakes,greed caused the mess US of America is in.But it seems nothing has changed.
March 4, 2011
8:02 am #comment-2
Gauher
There is a reason I follow you as one of a handful of select mentors of choice (in the IM field) … you have just cemented that knowingness …
You are so on the money … when I first began learning the ropes, paying my dues, and finding my way my in this digital space my soulmate (Joy) was one of the healthiest peolple I knew … we are now into our third year of a very surreal and daunting experience that takes on the acronym ALS (Lou Gehrigs Disease) … she was and is the inspiration behind the online journey … of living life large.
Your words resonate in a way that I cannot describe.
Thank you for your clarity and guidance over the years!
Carl
March 5, 2011
6:13 am #comment-3
Hi Gauher
Thanks for a very lucid article, very well written. I must agree totally with the principle of your words, however . . .
I am one of (I’m sure) many people who are working against the tide. I have 3 wonderful children, who I want to support for the future. However their mother has done nothing but saboutage my efforts to be successful. She belittles all my efforts, and just says “get a job” as you suggested. In this economy, at the age of 62, there aren’t too many employers hunting for my skills (4 years of trying has proven that), so I need to be making my own path.
I have run successful and failed businesses in the past, so I’m use to being self motivated. I have a couple of marketing friends in Australia who are amazingly successful working as a team, supporting each other constantly. In fact they have become my mentors and motivation for success.
Just to add to the negative input form my wife, she’s now petitioned for divorce.
But my children still need a hero dad (they’re very young), so this will not stop me working towards success.
I must keep on climbing this hill, as I look forward to the view from the top.
Cheers
Alan
March 5, 2011
8:22 am #comment-4
Thanks for this post Gauher.
It really fits perfectly with the moment I am living right now.
Let’s pay attention to what matters most.
Regards,
Marcus
March 6, 2011
8:10 am #comment-5
Thanks for this post.
Just recently as I sat at my kitchen table on my laptop trying to talk to my 3-year old son at the same time, he ran over to his mother upset saying “Daddy’s not talking to me.” I immediately slammed the laptop closed and played with him for the rest o the evening.
Kids spell love T-I-M-E and this was a not so subtle reminder that sometimes you have to step away from the computer and give your kids some.
Greg
March 6, 2011
11:35 am #comment-6
I’ve been “looking” at this area of business for years. Bought some products and like many before and after me never used them. I have experienced much success in my life, with the S class Mercedes, race horses, aircraft etc etc but at the expense of family too. My divorce like many was painful. I tried to make amends by making a very generous settlement, it’s for my four kids at the end of the day. And there’s no pockets in shrouds.
Today I’m a struggling but very happy photographer who has time for family. I would not go back!!!
March 7, 2011
3:46 am #comment-7
Thank-you for writing about this touchy subject. I am going through the same things. Although, as a mother, I try to take care of the kids’ stuff, my husband already told me many times, to reduce the time in front of the PC as I work at night. The result is not enough sleep, bad health and a very bad weight gain. Not pretty.
March 9, 2011
8:36 am #comment-8
Hi Gauher,
Thanks for your inspiring article. Even thought until now I have yet make a dime since 3 years from one to another but I will take you words and hope to be same like you one day. I mean having a successful online business and a good father.
Really appreciate for sharing.
KC
March 13, 2011
9:18 pm #comment-9
Were all in the same boat here I guess to really find that right balance of work and family is not very easy this business is a drug when your spending 10 to make 50 is a great feeling its addictive also the reverse is a low like no other.
I believe we do this because its addicting its a drug like no other. But it consumes alot of time spent away from the family and friends. Find the right balance, I know i definitely need to
.
Peace
March 15, 2011
3:37 am #comment-10
Thank you for an inspiring story. I will be honest..I will spin it and post it on my blog
Nah, just kidding. This is important stuff.People need to hear it but I just wonder if you really meant what you wrote regarding your own family?
March 16, 2011
1:08 pm #comment-11
Gauher
You are different from other I’M people.I’m so glad I found you inky online journey.what you have said is so true.
Thank You
Sampadi
March 16, 2011
3:46 pm #comment-12
Wow Gauher, That just hit me like a ton of bricks. Even though i’m not married i have definitely spent a lot of time away from my siblings and especially my friends. Its like i have almost alienated myself. Any suggestions t save some time?
March 18, 2011
6:06 pm #comment-13
i spend my evenings doing internet marketing when i get back from work, so i can try and earn a few extra pounds a month
March 26, 2011
9:54 am #comment-14
Gauher, great article~!
My life as your and always I think more too, family is NO.1 now in my heart!
Thanks.
March 27, 2011
5:23 pm #comment-15
Gauher, great info here. A lot of this tends to consume us and we need to step back for a minute and take note of what is truly important to us.
Thanks for sharing.
April 6, 2011
1:36 pm #comment-16
Mr Gauher Chaudhry
Very captivating blog.
You sir, are my idol. When I grow up I want to be just like you. I live in Mississauga too…right by Square One.
We should like have a cup of chai.
Ahsan M
April 11, 2011
2:38 pm #comment-17
Thanks for this great and inspiringl article, Gauher. You\’re right. You can affect the other\’s life without even kinow it. So, as you said the balance and comunication are very important. Thanks again for sharing this.
April 15, 2011
9:01 am #comment-18
I have a beautiful wife and 2 kids (12 and 7). My success online does not equal the amount of hours i put in. The first 2 years for me had to be almost obsessive to overcome the knowledge gap (and there is a major knowledge gap reguardless of all the hype). My wife Kia is nothing short of amazing even now when i’m starting a new company she is fully supporting the mental thought that goes into leading a team. I never allow myself to be ok with missing key events, being there for my kids when they need to talk, and showing my wife affection even when i feel im at a 0% energy level. Ultimatly I believe my kids need self motivation, growth, and we are here to show them what dedication to learning and growing gets you. Once you’ve really experienced it, you realize its our destiny.
Keith Wellman (yes the guy that started the video revolution and the guy thats made 1,000 mistakes but has done 100% of what i’ve done with a personal conviction to do “good” for others.)
May 4, 2011
1:56 pm #comment-19
It definitely takes years and not months to make money online. And it does take a lot of time on the computer to figure out how to do better than your competition. In the meantime, it is important not to ignore your family and health.
Great advice.
February 7, 2012
6:27 pm #comment-20
I can definitely relate, but I think in the end your family will thank you for your sacrifice.
There has to be a balance I feel.